“Just… take it.”
and you cry and your tear stains spell out ‘merthur’
#because that fucking scene #actually #HAPPENED #merthur #like what the fUCK OH MY GOD ARTHUR LITERALLY GAVE HIS MOTHER’S SIGIL TO MERLIN #HOW ARE THEY NOT IN LOVE SHOW ME A UNIVERSE IN WHICH THEY DO NOT MEAN ABSOLUTELY E V E R Y T H I N G TO EACH OTHER #BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE IN EVERY LIFETIME THEY’LL FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN BECAUSE DESTINY DOESN’T HAVE A TIME LIMIT #FUCK EVERYTHING MY HEART HURTS WHY DID I START WATCHING THIS SHOW #IT’S LIKE MERTHUR CAME INTO A ROOM AND PUSHED ME OVER AND WENT ‘FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS BITCH’ AND I NEVER GOT UP AGAIN
do you know what didn’t get deleted?
merlin’s mother holding merlin’s face in her hands and telling him that she can see how much he needs arthur and how much arthur needs him and how they need to stay together because they care for each other and look after each other and because arthur is brave and loyal and he’s changed merlin so much in just a few months
#and you know what? #they didn’t delete the look on arthur’s face in 4x02 #when he didn’t think he would ever see merlin alive again #and he was just fucking hurt and heartbroken and he didn’t want to carry on #he wanted to TURN BACK AND TAKE MERLIN HOME #HE WANTED TO #GIVE UP THE QUEST TO SAVE CAMELOT #GIVE #UP #THE #QUEST #TO #SAVE #CAMELOT #JUST SO HE COULD GET MERLIN BACK AND SIT BY HIS BEDSIDE AND WAIT FOR HIM TO GET BETTER
yeah and excuse me but
you know what else didn’t get deleted, either?
the goddamn look on arthur’s face when merlin came back
that moment long after he’d resigned himself to his own death, and merlin not being by his side; that moment where he didn’t think he was ever going to see merlin again, at least not in this lifetime; that moment where all of that was proved wrong. how you can see, all in a moment, this heavy black cloud that’s been hanging over arthur’s head since the moment he sent merlin back to camelot with lancelot, and how all at once it just fucking disappears the second merlin walks in with that giant bloody smile of his, how arthur’s face clears and he huffs out this sigh of disbelief and relief. how suddenly arthur looks like the brave man he was when they left camelot on this quest, because he’s been feeling empty since merlin left and now—now he feels whole again and now he knows he can face whatever lies ahead because merlin is okay, and merlin is here, and that’s all that arthur needs.
and you mustn’t forget
that the rockfall was never deleted. the moment when arthur was doing everything he could ever possibly do to protect himself and to protect merlin because merlin had been injured trying to protect him. the moment when arthur turns and sees merlin disappear and he knows he’s in danger and there is absolutely nothing arthur can do except scream merlin’s name and hold a hand out in vain. a hand that he thinks will never hold merlin’s again.
they never deleted the pure fear on arthur’s face over losing merlin; over failing to protect him; over having to let him go.
they didn’t delete the moment where agravaine tries to tell arthur there’s no sign of merlin anywhere and that it’s useless to keep searching for a servant, and arthur simply holds up a hand to silence him mid-sentence because he’s not going to fucking hear it.
they didn’t delete gaius asking where merlin was and arthur immediately responding with he’s alive, because even though he doesn’t even know that for a fact, he can’t bear to think of the alternative.
they showed arthur reaching his breaking point after sending out so many men on searches that turned up no sign of merlin, and finally going out to look for merlin himself—the king of camelot, leaving camelot behind on a quest to find his manservant because do you really expect me to just accept that merlin’s gone? because that’s absurd, because he’d never accept that and he’ll search as long and as hard as it takes because this isn’t just his manservant. this. this is merlin.
and we saw arthur finding him. we saw the way his face changed from suspicion to disbelief to pure fucking joy when he found merlin standing in front of him, covered in mud from head to toe, and the way arthur couldn’t possibly have cared less about that when he simply strode forward with the happiest expression on his face, and pulled merlin into an embrace looking like it was the only thing he’d wanted to do for days. how i thought we’d lost you, as if even arthur felt he was searching in vain by that point, like he’d all but resigned himself to the knowledge that he was never going to see merlin again but he was still searching anyway because he couldn’t bring himself to stop, and then—and then, against all odds, he found him again, and he always will.
when he opens the doors and finds merlin sitting outside, waiting, because he didn’t want arthur to feel that he was alone
as if merlin’s presence would be felt by arthur even through the thick wooden doors and the cold night air and the gasping void of loneliness